I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
