If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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