I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
