We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
