erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
