i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
