you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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