just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
