I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Randomize
