How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
