Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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