oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
i already hear my dad disowning me
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
