maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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