Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
