I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
