If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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