I need help removing her.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
