just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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