I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
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