he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
