i permit you to call me
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
that's an acceptable place to lick
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
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