oh god the rape fog is back!
should my penis look like a turkey
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
