Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
