I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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