Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
