Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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