WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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