Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
