I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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