This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
