sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
