She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
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