my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
