3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Randomize
