i don't like sucking hair
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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