so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
