UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
