Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
