Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
