after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
The power of my boobs compel you
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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