I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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