just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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