i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
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