Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
