His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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