I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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