she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
