man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
