Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize