So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
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I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
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Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
How does it feel to date your dad?
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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