It's Friday. Sex?
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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