The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I think my moral compass just broke
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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