I didn't shave. On purpose
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
