I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
