you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
