You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Randomize
