ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
