You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Randomize
