yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
