Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
