If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize