dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
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